Shining some clarity on Self-Soothing and Self-Settling
In the realm of baby and toddler sleep, confusion often arises when it comes to terminologies like self-soothing and self-settling. These terms, though commonly used, are quite often mistaken for the other or thought of as being the same, which they most definitely are not! They can also be used in misleading ways and might not accurately capture the intricate processes occurring in a child's developing mind.
My aim of this blog is to shed light on these concepts, dispel misconceptions, and introduce a more nuanced perspective centred around the idea of self-regulation.
Self-Soothing : A Misunderstood Notion
The term "self-soothing," coined in the 1970s, refers to the ability to regulate one's emotional state independently. While this skill is crucial and develops naturally as a child's brain matures, it's not something that can be hurried or taught directly.
Self-soothing arises from the most mature part of the brain, a region that continues to develop until early adulthood. Babies lack the brain development needed for their rational part to communicate with their emotional and survival parts. So it’s impossible for your baby or toddler to self-soothe, despite what some sleep trainers might lead you to believe.
Contrary to popular belief, self-soothing doesn't equate to a child magically calming themselves down. It's not a conscious action but a result of various factors, including the child's innate personality traits, habits, body clock regularity, emotional intensity and adaptability. For instance, some babies might appear to self-soothe when, in reality, they're simply transitioning from wakefulness to sleep in a calm environment.
Self-Settling : Going Beyond the Surface
Often, the term self-settling is used interchangeably with self-soothing. However, self-settling is a more specific concept. It refers to a child's ability to transition from being awake to being asleep without external intervention, such as a parent or caregiver rocking them to sleep. Self-settling is not the same as self-soothing. It's a learned behaviour, a skill that can be nurtured over time, enabling children to fall asleep independently. And of course the time it takes to master this skill will vary hugely from child to child. There is no normal.
Self-Regulation : A Holistic Approach
In my practice, I prefer to use the term "self-regulation." This encompasses both self-soothing and self-settling within a broader context. Self-regulation signifies a child's ability to manage their emotions, including the transition from wakefulness to sleep, utilising a variety of strategies to become regulated again. It aligns with the concept of the "Zones of Regulation," a framework that categorises emotional states throughout the day, from calm (blue zone) to alert and focused (green zone), to heightened stress (yellow zone), and finally, to intense emotions or distress (red zone).
By focusing on self-regulation, parents can appreciate the multifaceted nature of a child's emotional and sleep development. It encourages us to observe and understand our child's unique cues and needs, allowing for a more responsive and empathetic approach to their sleep routines.
Falling asleep independently
In the world of baby and toddler sleep, recognizing the difference between self-soothing, self-settling, and the broader concept of self-regulation is helpful.
As terminologies can be confusing, the phrase ‘falling asleep independently’ is a preferable one to use, and the one that I like to use. This conveys the child's journey towards healthy sustainable sleep as more about nurturing their self-regulatory abilities than adhering to specific labels.
There's no fixed timeframe for initiating the process of encouraging your baby or toddler to fall asleep independently. Fostering this independence requires consistency, patience, and a profound understanding of your child's unique needs. It's essential to embark on this journey only when both you and your little one are prepared.
Ultimately, children learn to sleep independently in their own time and in their own way.
As parents and caregivers, our role is to create a supportive environment, establish consistent routines, and respond empathetically to our child's emotions.
By embracing their individuality and providing them with the space to develop their self-regulation skills, we empower our children to navigate the realms of sleep and emotions with confidence and resilience.
