How to take control of your baby's sleep: Practical tips for parents
When your baby isn’t sleeping, and you’re deep in the trenches of sleep deprivation, it can feel like you have zero control over the situation.
It’s frustrating and overwhelming, and you might even feel like you’re failing. After all, no one can make anyone fall asleep!
The harsh reality is that there are certain factors we simply can’t control when it comes to baby sleep. From your baby’s temperament to their natural sleep rhythm (early bird or night owl), developmental milestones, to illness, some things are just beyond your influence. But here's the good news: once you accept what’s out of your control, you can focus on what is - and surprisingly, there’s a lot you can do to improve sleep for both you and your baby.
Shift your mindset to what you can control
While it may seem like sleep is entirely out of your hands, there are plenty of areas where you can have an impact. The key is to shift your focus away from what’s uncontrollable, and instead, lean into what you can influence.
How you settle your baby
Understanding your baby’s unique traits and preferences can give you powerful insights into how to settle them more effectively. When you know what works for your baby, you'll feel more confident and in control - even when sleep is elusive.
What soothes your baby best?
Does your baby respond well to a gentle pat, a soft "shhh," or slow rocking?
Do they find comfort in feeding before sleep?
Have you noticed if your baby responds better to specific soothing techniques over others?
Taking note of these preferences helps you refine your approach, and responding early when your baby cries - before the situation escalates - will make soothing easier.
Emotions and energy around them
Babies are incredibly attuned to the emotions of their caregivers. If you’re feeling anxious or stressed, your baby may sense it, and that could add to their distress. By responding to your baby with calmness, you create a safe, peaceful environment that helps them relax and drift off to sleep.
You’re not making them clingy
One of the most common concerns I hear from parents is, “Am I making my baby clingy by responding so much?”
The answer is a resounding no. Meeting your baby’s emotional needs doesn’t make them clingy - it builds their sense of security. Babies rely on us to help them regulate their emotions, so being present and calm teaches them that the world is a safe place, which ultimately helps them sleep better.
Timing: when your little one falls asleep
It turns out that you have more control over this than you might think! The secret lies in understanding the basics of baby sleep cycles.
How baby sleep works
Night-time sleep is primarily governed by two key factors: circadian rhythm and sleep pressure.
Circadian rhythm: This is your baby’s internal clock that helps regulate when they feel sleepy. It works in sync with the natural day-night cycle, so your baby will tend to feel sleepy around the same time each evening.
Sleep pressure: As your baby stays awake, the need for sleep builds. This is like a balloon slowly filling with air - the longer they stay awake, the more the pressure builds, making them ready for sleep by bedtime.
Naps, on the other hand, are driven purely by sleep pressure. The more tired your baby is, the more sleep pressure they accumulate, and the more likely they are to fall asleep. However, too much or too little sleep pressure can cause problems, such as difficulty settling or resisting naps altogether.
It may take some trial and error, but adjusting your baby’s awake times based on their tired cues (rather than strict wake windows or schedules) can help you strike the perfect balance.
Sleep pressure: your secret weapon!
By understanding and tweaking awake times, you can create a more predictable sleep pattern and feel more in control. Managing sleep pressure is one of the most powerful tools at your disposal!
Getting outdoors and movement: Supporting the circadian rhythm
Your baby’s circadian rhythm is deeply influenced by exposure to natural light - especially in the morning. Sunlight helps reset their internal clock and aligns their sleep-wake cycle with the natural day-night rhythm.
Even just 15-20 minutes of morning sunlight can make a difference. If you can’t get outdoors, no worries - simply open the curtains wide to let in as much natural light as possible, or set up a play area near a sunny window.
In addition to light exposure, physical activity throughout the day—such as tummy time or crawling - helps build up sleep pressure and can tire them out for a better nap or bedtime.
Creating the perfect baby sleep environment
One of the most powerful ways you can take control of your baby’s sleep is by setting up an environment that promotes restful sleep. While bedtime routines like warm baths and soothing lullabies are often the focus, it’s easy to overlook how the environment itself impacts your baby’s rest.
By shaping the sleep environment, you’re not only setting the stage for better sleep but also offering your baby a safe, secure, and calming space.
The ideal sleep space for babies
Ensure your baby sleeps in their designated sleep space - such as a cot or Moses basket.
During the first six months, it's advisable to have your baby sleep in the same room as you.
A firm mattress with a waterproof cover is essential to keep the mattress dry and clean.
Avoid loose bedding, cot bumpers, and sheepskins, as these can increase the risk of suffocation or overheating.
Keep the sleep area clear of soft toys and ensure sheets are securely tucked in.
Lighting for better baby sleep
Light plays a huge role in regulating your baby’s sleep-wake cycle. Exposure to broad-spectrum daylight helps set your baby’s internal clock, while avoiding blue light in the evening supports melatonin production. If you need a nightlight, opt for a red nightlight, which won’t interfere with melatonin. Blackout curtains can also help maintain a consistent, restful environment by blocking out excess light.
Noise harmony for baby sleep
Your baby’s sleep is influenced by noise levels as well. While it’s important to keep things quiet at night, white noise can be a helpful tool for masking disruptive sounds. If your baby is older than six months, consider using pink noise, which has been shown to induce deeper sleep and improve overall sleep quality.
Temperature control for baby sleep
Temperature regulation is a key part of setting your baby up for success at sleep time. The ideal room temperature is between 16-20°C (60-68°F), and dressing your baby in lightweight, breathable cotton clothing helps avoid overheating. Research also suggests that keeping your baby’s feet warm can help regulate their body temperature and prevent early morning wake-ups. Check their neck or chest to ensure they’re comfortable, and adjust bedding as needed.
Try the sock solution!
Did you know that keeping your baby’s feet warm can help improve sleep? Research shows that feet play a significant role in regulating core body temperature. As core body temperature drops in the early morning hours, your little one might start feeling cold, which can lead to early wake-ups. Keeping their feet cosy - whether with socks or a footed onesie - could be the simple solution to preventing those early morning wake-ups.
Calmness: the key to better sleep
As much as we focus on sleep techniques, schedules, and methods, none of these will work effectively without calm - both your baby’s and yours. Sleep isn’t a fixed state; it’s dynamic and constantly changing. By focusing on creating calmness, you set the stage for better sleep, even during the difficult nights.
Why calm matters
Babies are incredibly sensitive to their caregivers' emotional states. The development of emotional regulation - learning to calm down or "self-soothe" - is a skill that takes years to develop. It’s linked to the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for emotional regulation and impulse control, which continues developing through childhood.
So, expecting your baby to calm themselves fully at a young age is unrealistic. They rely on you to help them reach a state of calm. When you’re calm, your baby is more likely to mirror that calmness.
The science behind calm
Calmness activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) - the “rest and digest” system - which helps both of you relax. Stress or anxiety, on the other hand, triggers the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) - the “fight or flight” response - keeping you alert and making it harder to relax.
This is why calmness is such a critical foundation for sleep. By prioritizing calm, for both you and your baby, you create the ideal environment for sleep to come naturally.
Practical tips to stay calm
Slow down: Speak softly, move slowly, and make deliberate gestures.
Lower your expectations: Shift the focus from getting your baby to sleep at a specific time to simply creating calm.
Have a mantra: Repeating a soothing phrase, such as “This phase will pass” or “I’m enough for my baby,” can help centre you during moments of stress.
Calming techniques for your baby
Shushing: A soft, rhythmic “shhh” mimics the sounds your baby heard in the womb.
Rocking: Gentle rocking, whether in your arms, a rocking chair, or a baby wrap.
Swaddling: A snug swaddle can help your baby feel secure.
Feeding: If your baby finds comfort in feeding, use it as a calming ritual before sleep.
Singing or humming: Your voice is powerful - lullabies or soft humming can reassure your baby.
Skin-to-skin contact: Holding your baby close promotes bonding and releases oxytocin (the ‘love’ hormone).
Baby massage: Gentle strokes can help relax your baby and release tension.
Paced breathing: Practice slow, deep breaths while holding your baby to help them feel your calmness.
Better sleep is within your reach
It’s easy to feel like sleep is an impossible puzzle when you’re in the thick of sleepless nights. But by focusing on what you can control - your baby’s sleep environment, soothing techniques, and your own emotional calmness - you’re already on the right track to better sleep for both you and your baby.
Remember, sleep ebbs and flows, and there will be times when things feel more challenging than others. It’s not about achieving perfection (because that’s never going to happen!). It’s about making small adjustments and staying consistent with what works for your little one.
You are the expert when it comes to your baby - trust yourself and your instincts.
Take the First Step Toward Better Sleep!
You’ve learned how much control you truly have over your baby’s sleep - now it’s time to put that knowledge into action.
Join the Baby Sleep Circle, my 4-week group coaching programme, where you’ll get,
✨ A personalised sleep plan tailored to your baby’s unique needs.
✨ Weekly coaching calls to guide you through challenges and keep you on track.
✨Access to a private Facebook group - a safe space to connect with other parents, ask questions, and feel supported every step of the way.
✨ Support from a small, close-knit group of parents who truly understand what you’re going through.
Stop second-guessing yourself and start making real progress—without stress, guilt, or confusion.
👉 Join Baby Sleep Circle here. Doors close Monday 27th Janauary
You don’t have to figure this out on your own. Let’s work together to create the restful nights you and your family deserve.
